The Power, Fraility, and Privilege of Friendship

One of the things I've learned a lot about this school year is the power and frailty of friendship and relationships in general. I have learned what it means to have someone who cares and fights for you even when you haven't necessarily offered anything in return. I have also seen how fragile and if not careful easily shattered that same friendship can end up becoming. I've learned that their are people outside of the family who has to love you and those who's lives you first spoke into that will love you for who you are and ask for only the same in return.

One of the things that I have noticed is how when you let down those walls that you use to keep everyone out, things sometimes become more complicated. There is a level of vulnerability that beomes existent and starts making the heart feel unprotected and leary of those who are in the close vicinity of it. Paranoia beomes apparent and the doubts are produced at a faster rate. Once that distance that originally existed between the two friends are crossed, one may feel to vulnerable and tryto recreate the distance to protect themselves. Although no pain is intended for the other person, it is dealt to them in an unexpected blow.

But the amazing thing about friendship, true friendship, is the resilience that it has. Although their may have been pain brought by one or both parties, there is still that original care and love that drives each person to fight for that friendship. Even when the one continues to push and distance themselves from the other person, there is still a fight to keep that friendship in tact and to see it thrive. This resilience has amazed me, especially in my own relationships. I never saw this resilience before either because my relationship never got to the level, there hasn't been the struggles, or there just wasn't that resilience and the relationship became weakened or thrown to the wayside. I have seen lately how that kind of a relationship works and have seen what it is to have someone willing to fight for the friendship that I offer.

This is something that has been on my mind lately and I just wanted to get my thoughts out. For some this will be a familiar story or circumstance from your life and you will see even more how incredible it is to have those friends you can count on by your side. For others this is a completely alien thought to you and I pray someday that you will have a friend that is willing to fight for you.

Self centeredness and apologies

Humanity is a curse that we all have to deal with. A curse that plagues our every move and thoughts. Self centeredness is the root of so much of what we do. Whether its with a lie to protect ourselves or yelling at someone cause we think they wronged us. The fact is that we are plagued with this sinful nature called humanity and their is little we can do to escape it.

I want to apologize to all of those that i have hurt with my humanity. The people I have been terrible to. THose i have pushed out of my life and those that I have overwhelmed with my petty concerns. Those i have sacrificed to protect myself with no regard to how it may affect them. I offer to all of you my apology and pray that you will forgive me and maybe at some point be able to trust me again. I want to be there to help pick up the pieces and put them together again, but I know that I am not the person that you want handling such fragile, precious things.

So here it is, an apology for my humanity. An apology for me trying to take care of things myself rather than letting God handle what only he can take care of. Please forgive me for my actions.