Hannah's Supplication

In the first chapter of 1 Samuel, the author presents to us the predicament that Hannah is in. Married to a man that she loved and who loved her, but was incapable of giving him children. His other wife had given him many children and she taunted and tortured Hannah with it everyday. One time during a festival, Hannah promises God that if he gives her a son she would return him back to him for God's work. Eli the priest comes to her and although he first thought she was drunk, saw her desperation and encouraged her to keep her faith and that God would bless her supplication. God did bless her and she gives Samuel back to God, leaving him at the temple to be raised by the priest/God. Later it is mentioned that she blessed with more children. Its incredible to me the faith of Hannah. A woman who lived in a culture where women recieved their respect from being married and how many children she had given her husband, yet she had no children. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for her to watch as her husband's other wife have the joy of these children while she was barren, especially while the other woman flaunted this fact in front of Hannah. Yet she remained faithful even to the point of desperation and tears! She laid out her supplication and kept her eyes on God and she was blessed with not just samuel who she gave back to God, but other children after him.I pray to have that kind of faith. Even in times where it seems impossible, I keep my eyes on God and keep my faith fixed in him. I know that God has great things promised to me and I hope that even in the most desperate of times I can keep the faith in those promises!

A New Veil

"Then, behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth quaked, and the rocks split."
~Matthew27:51

With the death of Christ and the fulfillment of the prophecy of the Messiah, the veil that symbolized the separation that sin had created between us and God was torn and removed. That is so many times what we see when we read this passage in Matthew 27, but lately I have found myself looking pat that. I'm so grateful for that act of grace and mercy, but I see a new veil being created in each person's life as they enter into that relationship with God. A veil that provides a separation between the world and that place of peace and isolation with God. I love this place. The veil, in my mind, is sound proof, blocking out the chaotic discord of the world. Its a thick wall that keeps the trouble and worry of the world from seeping in and distracting me from the face of God. It provides a place where I can be vulnerable with God. A safe haven where I can resst without sleeping with one eye open. A place where I can receive the spiritual sustanance that quenches my thirst and hunger for God. This is my favorite place in the world.

To Love and Be Loved.

"In one way or another everything we do is tied to this unfolding story of love between us and God. How does God love? He chooses, he pursues, he resucues, he woos, he protects, and he lavishes."

1 John 4:7-11 talks about how important love is in our lives because love is the nature of God. We cannot serve God and be considered one of his own if we do not love. We are directed to love God, but also to take the love he has shown us and love one another. Its amazing to me sometimes how we sit in church and told that we are all self-centered and selfish because of the society we live in. How we have been tempted and shaped by our self-centered society, but in if we really look at it is this really true? Do we really live our lives in such a selfish way?

One of the things I have noticed as I have gone about my own life and as I have been part of others' lives is that rarely do we allow ourselves to be loved. Many times we have no problem showing others love; looking past their mistakes and seeing the precious being that God created and loves. Love is the root of our being. We were created for and out of love. Our purpose is to love God and to love others. God created the heaves and the earth to be a visible expression of his glory. Everything created to express preaise, but more than that he wanted the love and relationship that came with humans and their praise. God created the earth as a place where we could fulfill that role. He then created us with that same innate desire to be part of a relationship where we give and receive love. Where we can be ourselves and be loved for that. We were created in his own image to have that person, intimate, loving relationship with God for eternity. He gave us free will so that we could choose to worship him out of faith, love, loyalty, and gratitude rather than out of guilt, force, and obligation. He gave us the choice to love him with a pure love. With a love that stems from the love he has for us. A love that provides freedom. A love that broke sin's hold on us through the sacrifice of Christ.

This is something that can only be recieved through free will. God holds it in his hands for us to take. He won't make us take it from him. He allows us to choose. Here is where I don't see the entirety of the self-centeredness that so many preachers and religious gurus claim this society, both Christian and secular, hold. If you were to ask many people if they truly believed they were capable of being loved; that someone should or could love them I'm betting that a large percentage of them would to tell you know. That even though they may look past the mistakes of others and love them for who they are, they don't think anyone should do that for them. Its so sad. A generation filled with young women who don't believe that they deserve true love because of mistakes they made so they settle with the cheap shallow love that comes attached to lust and self gratification. A generation of young men who are tempted every day and told that they are terrible sinners when they do fall into the temptation. Told that they are not real men if they allow the idea of love become a need of theirs. A generation of children, teens, young adults, parents, and grandparents who doubt their own self worth and refuse to accept the fullness of the love given to them by other people and by God.

A friend once told me that you cannot give what you do not have. One day the expectations to be loved that you hold for yourself are going to fall onto someone else whether you mean for it to or not. It becomes a quickly reproducing problem that gets out of hand very fast. Its time that we allow God to love us the way he created us to be loved. Fully and purely. Its time that we accept that love so that we can share it with others. We need to allow those that God has placed in our lives to love us to truly love us. To let them show us the care and compassion that God has given to them to share as he has with you.

I pray that the heart of whoever reads this sees their worth. That whatever has haunted them from their past would take its place behind them and move out of the way between them and the love that God has for them. I thank you Lord for the grace and love that you gave us. The undeserving favor that was granted to us through your son and his wonderful sacrifice. Thank you so much!
~Amen

Guard your Heart

Friendships are fascinating entities. Sometimes they are simple and other times they are the most complicated things ever. They can be the most incredible things and then they can be the thing that destroys your world. I've learned how two sided things are. How we live in such a binary world. Its important to choose friends wisely and to be careful what you pour out to them. Be wise in your investments and remember that your heart is a precious commodity that can never be replaced and rarely is made completely whole again. Its a fragile part of you and its has been given to you as a responsibility. Cherish it and be careful not to fully put it into the hands of someone else. Be kind to it and guard it. Just some words of wisdom.

The Resonating Thoughts: The Replay from the Past.

So I wrote this back in October. Its something from my journal and its a rare occurence that something like this is ever shared from journal on such a public avenue, but its something that has been echoing in my thoughts and heart especially lately. Please bare with me as I know that some of my posts aren't as happy or enlightening lately. Just trying to get things out of my head. I hope that maybe this will resonate with someone who may feel the same way. Blessings!

October 25th, 2008

I sit in the darkness feeling the whole world crash down on me. Voices everywhere demading my presence and my obedience. I feel the grips of cold, thin hands pulling me to their desired destination for my life. All of the commotion and noise and yet so alone I feel. The masks I where hide who I am inside showing only what I want the cold hands and shrill voices to see. I give all of them what want while I sit in the dark conrer alone. I only want to be seen, to be heard, but I know the pain that perhaps may follow and allow the complacency I have chosen to overcome me. I become stagnant and numb. Haunted by every choice, every past failure with no one to protect me. I just want someone to hear me and not hurt me; to love me and not leave me. I wan thte arms that will hold and guard without breaking me. I sit here tired and worn with only the dark walls to turn to. Someone hear me. Uncover my eyes and shield me from the fight. Give me a chance to live without doubts and without worries. See me for who I am and love me for that.

Nothing More, Nothing Less: Your Presence and My Sacrifice

On the altar once more. That's where I am at. All of me. Not pieces or parts, but my entire being. In the Holy of Holies, just you and me. No one else allowed in. The rope around my ankle disconnected so that no one can hear or drag me away from you. Behind the curtain where no one can interrupt. With you and you alone. Here. I stand. I lay down the sacrifice, ME. I know that I'm not the best of the flock, young and pure, but rather weak, crippled, darkened by the storms and erosions of life. I know that I'm not the best of them all. I know that I'm filthy, but its what I have. Its the best that I have. The best of my supply. Its all of what I have in my possession. Just you and me here. Alone. Take me Lord! This is yours, me. Nothing more do I have. I lay it all down, undone before you ready to be consumed by your fire. Burn away the chaff, the impurities, the caked on filth that has collected over years of guilt, shame, insecurities, pain, mistakes, lies, failures, selfishness, and disloyalty. Nothing More, Nothing Less do I bring to you my dear father. Nothing more do I have. Please accept this offering. Do with it what you may. Keep me here in your presence. Just you and me. For there is nothing more, and I want nothing less.

For I am Undone!

"Woe is me, for I am undone!

Because I am a man of unclean lips,

And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;

For my eyes have seen the King,

The LORD of hosts."

These are the words of Isaiah at the begining of Isaiah 6. "Woe is me, for I am undone!" The cry of so many. The mighty in God to the youngest spiritual person. "Woe is me, for I am undone!" Undone and unclean. Its amazing how much we pale in comparison to the glory of God. Isaiah had just witnessed the praises of the angel of God and was overwhelmed by not only the presence of this angel, but the presence of God that the messenger had brought with him. Its amazing how incredible the presence of God is and the place that it brings us emotionally and spiritually. Often times I find myself in the same place. In life I have either became so high on myself because of what I have done or I have berated myself for things that are out of my control, but when I am in the presence of God I become undone. Truly open to him. My insecurities, my uncleanliness, my doubts, my pride, all laid right out in front of him. My spirit undone before him driving me to a point of tears and surrender. Left on my knees in awe of his splendor and power. Left completely undone in his hands.

The next part of this interaction, the angel comes to Isaiah and touches his lips with a live coal from the altar of God. He then tells Isaiah that he has been purged from his sins and his unclean lips cleansed. This event and those words resonates in my heart as a reminder of the saving power of God. Although this is long before the sacrifice Christ made for mankind, it is a foreshadowing of the grace that all men would have access to. The grace to come in and cleanse us from our transgressions and purge us from our sins; grace that prepares us to bring glory to God as we were created to do. Cleansing us so that when God asks whom shall I send, we can stand before him and proclaim, "here am I, Lord send me!"

This scripture reminds me of the song Take Me In. The words are:

Take me past the outer courts, into the Holy place.

Pass the brazen altar, Lord I long to see you face.

Pass me by the crowds of people and the priests who sing their praise.

I hunger and thirst for your righteousness Lord and its only found one place.

Take me into the Holy of Holies. Take me in by the Blood of the Lamb.

Take me into the Holy of Holies. Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am.

Lord, I pray that you bring me into your Holy of Holies. I long to be in your presence. To be undone before you and to be cleansed by the coal from your altar. I pray that you bring me past the outer courts and the distractions that lie around it. I want more than anything else to see past your hands and to look into the eyes of the one who gave me life and who will never let me go.

Amen.

Your Strength

Strong winds blow, the icy rain stings.

The Storms of my life here once again.

Pressing through the resistance,

Fighting the pressure,

Fatigue overtakes my mind and muscle.

Here again Father, heart shattered in pieces.

Now on my kness before you I cry:

I'm weak, growing weaker;

Discouraged, I cry.

Broken, my pieces scattered so far from my eyes.

This valley is deep, my eyes blinded by darkness,

I know the mountain is stretched out ahead.

Give me the strenth to carry me through.

Loneliness chokes me,

Taking my breath!

Told I'm not, but see no one around.

You said when there was only one set of footprints,

It meant I was in your arms.

Then why do I feel so alone?

My heart and my mind I lay in your hands.

Trusting that you're there, no matter how silent.

Your presence surrounds me, it holds me together.

Here on my face before you I fall and I cry:

I'm weak, growing weaker,

but assured you are near.

Discouraged, I cry for your safe loving arms.

Broken, my pieces scattered far from my eyes;

Waiting for you to gather me close.

The valley is deep, my eyes are blinded by darkness.

But I won't stop moving forward towards you.

I know the mountain is stretched out ahead.

Your blessings found along its steep slopes.

I know your strength it will be there,

There to carry me through.

Looking back through my life,

The pages I've filled,

With all of the promises you have made to me.

Some I've seen met, while others I wait

knowing you'll never fail to be true.

Through all of the tears and all of the pain,

I see your faith shining through.

Through all of the wind and all of the scorn,

I hear your words breaking through.

Through all of the pressure, the hurt and unsure worth,

your love its proven to be true.

All this I remember, holding on tight;

Standing before you I cry:

I'm weak, but strong;

Discouraged, but joyful.

Broken, yet I've been made whole!

This valley is deep, but your love so much deeper.

Darkness so blinding, but your glory still bright and so pure.

I know the mountain ahead its steep and unnerving,

But you are so much stonger and mightier still.

Lord I lay my life in your hands,

Your strenght its is carrying me,

Holding me, loving me,

Comforting me, empowering me,

Always its carrying me through!

The Dichotomous Essence of Compromise

Compromise can be so simple, yet so complicated.

Above all, it holds so much power when used appropriately and at the right time. Its a subject that's been on my mind a lot lately. The concept is a dichotomy. It can be a good, yet a bad thing; necessary, yet there is a pertinence to avoid it.

Compromise can bring two people closer in relationship. Both having their own needs, yet giving up some of those to meet the other person's needs. A give and take relationship that is one of the essential building blocks of all relationships. When used by both people it can be a strong bond. When forgotten by one or both parties, the absence can create conflict and pain.

There is also compromise in the sense of giving in. I think this is seen when you give up what is necessary or virtuous to appease someone or gain something that has a more short term effect. In relationships, it can be your values to avoid offending someone or giving up the needs that are necessary to keep a balanced relationship. Either way there is a detrimant caused by this action.

Like I said, this is a concept that has been on my mind a lot this week and at play in my life. Remember that compromise is so important to healthy relationships. Its necessary from both ends. Its important to balance the give and take. In psychology, we thrive to help couples and family establish complimentary relationships. Where one is lacking, the other is soaring. That's how compromise is: where one has given the other fills that void and vice versa.

Compromise can be so simple, yet so complicated.

The Power, Fraility, and Privilege of Friendship

One of the things I've learned a lot about this school year is the power and frailty of friendship and relationships in general. I have learned what it means to have someone who cares and fights for you even when you haven't necessarily offered anything in return. I have also seen how fragile and if not careful easily shattered that same friendship can end up becoming. I've learned that their are people outside of the family who has to love you and those who's lives you first spoke into that will love you for who you are and ask for only the same in return.

One of the things that I have noticed is how when you let down those walls that you use to keep everyone out, things sometimes become more complicated. There is a level of vulnerability that beomes existent and starts making the heart feel unprotected and leary of those who are in the close vicinity of it. Paranoia beomes apparent and the doubts are produced at a faster rate. Once that distance that originally existed between the two friends are crossed, one may feel to vulnerable and tryto recreate the distance to protect themselves. Although no pain is intended for the other person, it is dealt to them in an unexpected blow.

But the amazing thing about friendship, true friendship, is the resilience that it has. Although their may have been pain brought by one or both parties, there is still that original care and love that drives each person to fight for that friendship. Even when the one continues to push and distance themselves from the other person, there is still a fight to keep that friendship in tact and to see it thrive. This resilience has amazed me, especially in my own relationships. I never saw this resilience before either because my relationship never got to the level, there hasn't been the struggles, or there just wasn't that resilience and the relationship became weakened or thrown to the wayside. I have seen lately how that kind of a relationship works and have seen what it is to have someone willing to fight for the friendship that I offer.

This is something that has been on my mind lately and I just wanted to get my thoughts out. For some this will be a familiar story or circumstance from your life and you will see even more how incredible it is to have those friends you can count on by your side. For others this is a completely alien thought to you and I pray someday that you will have a friend that is willing to fight for you.

Self centeredness and apologies

Humanity is a curse that we all have to deal with. A curse that plagues our every move and thoughts. Self centeredness is the root of so much of what we do. Whether its with a lie to protect ourselves or yelling at someone cause we think they wronged us. The fact is that we are plagued with this sinful nature called humanity and their is little we can do to escape it.

I want to apologize to all of those that i have hurt with my humanity. The people I have been terrible to. THose i have pushed out of my life and those that I have overwhelmed with my petty concerns. Those i have sacrificed to protect myself with no regard to how it may affect them. I offer to all of you my apology and pray that you will forgive me and maybe at some point be able to trust me again. I want to be there to help pick up the pieces and put them together again, but I know that I am not the person that you want handling such fragile, precious things.

So here it is, an apology for my humanity. An apology for me trying to take care of things myself rather than letting God handle what only he can take care of. Please forgive me for my actions.

Everyone's Got something to Say

There's a purpose for everyone's life. A voice with a message that can be used. All that's needed is the willingness to open the mouth and push air through to vocalize the words of redemption and hope that could, no, that will change the life of someone who hears. A pair of feet with a destination in store. All that's needed is the willingness to exercise the muscles and move forward down the path that leads int a life of someone who's alone and desperate. A pair of hands with a task before them. All that's needed is the willingness to flex the fingers and begin to make the difference in the reamins of a life that's been bombarded by circumstances. An entire world of people are waitng for a a voice, a pair of feet, or a pair of hands with the willingness to dedicte themselves to making the difference their lives need. So why don't we put the willingness into these things. Why do we sit there believing that we can't do anything when we have the voice, feet, and hands? Why do we doubt when we have the promise of provision and all that's necessary is our action?

Is it that we feel inadequate? Look at Gideon; a man who was not only a member of the least of the Tribes of Judah, but he was the least of its members. He doubted God's words three different times and only had an army of 300 men. Even with all of this, God used him to defeat Israel's strongest and mightiest enemies with only clay pots and trumpets. Or how about Deborah, a woman in a culture not only dominated by men, but placed such little value on women. In spite of this, she became one of Israel's strongest judges leading many troops into victorious battle.

Maybe you have a history that haunts you still today. Then take a look at Rahab. She was a prostitute in a country that did not believe in God and had done so many terrible things. Yet she took in God's messengers and protected them and in return recieved protection for herself and her family. She later became an ancestor of King David and the world's salvation Jesus Christ. Or how about Paul, a man that killed the followers of Christ. He spent years hunting down Christians and in order to squelch the movement of the Gospel through the world. Yet, one day God opened even his eyes to his will and called him to the unexpected. Paul reached thousands of people during his life and continues to reach millions today through his writings.

Or maybe you just don't have the means to carry out your purpose. Look at Ruth. A widow in a culture where women were quantified by their husbands and their families. All she had was a widowed mother-in-law in a foreign land. No money, no food, nothing. Yet, she trusted the God of her mother-in-law and did what she could do and God took care of the rest bringing her what she needed and so much more. Then there's Job who had everything taken away. His family, his money, his wealth, and even his relationships with others. Left in a place that seemed desolate and full of despair, he still trusted in God and he was blessed with twice that of what he had before.

Knowing all of this why do we stand still with our mouths shut. Why do we assume we can't do anything. Its time we truly start relying on and trusting in God. There is so much to be done and God has called his followers to do so. God rarely call the equipped, those who have everthing handed to them without any problems, but rather he calls those who have very little so that he can equip them. Those who must have faith in God's promise to provide what they need. Those who look past the hands of God and search out his face.

So how do we do this? How did these people have such faith or stay strong through the hard times? How could they make that step into the unknown? Looking at these people I see three things that were such an encouragement or source of strength.

For Paul, it was a very obvious palpable foundation for his faith. Sometimes for a few people like Paul, God blinds us with this grand revelation. He blinds us to the chaos of the world and the doubt in our hearts by giving us this bright sign that catches our eyes and our hearts. He gives us that very visible sign that changes the path that we are on and revitalizes our strength to stand in His promises. These are moments that are great and refreshing, but rarely does God come in anything other than the still, quiet voice that we need to have our ears tuned to. So let's first focus on God on our own so he does not need to blind us for that focus.

The first thing we need to do to develop the faith and strength that these people had is to develop the relationship with God. Several of these people had a relationship with God. They knew God and knew the things that he had already done for them. They knew his character. If you think about it, who are the people you trust the most. The ones that you have faith in will come through for you. Its those that you have a relationship with. Those that you know well and have spent time to get to know and understand. There needs to be that kind of relationship with God. The kind that is growing and supported by time spent learning about Him.

The second important thing that we need is to surround ourselves with others who have a relationship with God. There were people such as Rahab that didn't know God, but saw the faith that the messengers who came to her house that day did have and what God had done for them and their people. Through those men's relationships with God, Rahab was able to trust in God to provide for her and her family if she protected his messengers. We need to surround ourselves with people that have a relationship with God so that we have a support system. So that when we can not see God moving in our lives we can see his power in other believers reminding us that God works still today in his own time. Share these moments in your life and in the lives of those around you.

My challenge to anyone who reads this and to myself is to not push God to having to blind us. Yes, it makes it easier and provides the feelings that we long for to validate God's existence, but lets push ourselves to have a faith. We have so much on record of God's victory and the love He has for His people. What more proof do we need? Its time to plant our feet firmly on his shoulders and trust He won't drop us. Trust that he will never leave nor forsake us.

Everyone has something to say and a purpose from God to fulfill. Do not let the things that god has promised to take care of for us hinder us. Let's focus our attention on God and the lives that are depending on our willingness. Share what God has given you!

Choices for yourself...and for God.

You know I think that sometimes the choices we make don't effectively serve our spiritual development or our relationship with God. I know, not a new revelation is it, but how many times do we take the time to consider what only God thinks and how it will adequately move us to where we need to be. How many times do we ignore what every other person in the world wants and focus only on what God wants and what we want. I think that is why there are so many people in careers today that they hate and why there are so many failing marriages and relationships in our world today. How many times do we listen to God and not what other want?

God says that we can plan our ways but God directs our steps. If this is true than shouldn't our choices fall in line with what God wants and not what the rest of the world wants. We, and i mean me as well, need to refocus our sight on what is important and start letting the desires of God's heart being the desires of ours and making our choices based on those rather than the desires of others. I pray that this, although kind of haphhazardly written, speaks to someone and that there are people out there that are willing to put every other voice aside to listen to the voice of God in the matters of their future!

God Bless!